faux funny

The good news: My name appears in The Onion.
The bad news: It's a fake reference to a fake person in a fake story.
The good news: Wide-spread exposure.
The bad news: Lots of misdirected Google searches.
The good news: The story is kinda funny.
The bad news: It's not that funny.
The good news: I have new blog fodder!
The bad news: It's the only blog fodder I have.

Can I go home now?

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

blogging is dumb, take 2

While blogs are a source of overflowing ignorance, there's also the more benign but equally prevalent problem of cut-and-paste journalism. How many blog entries are nothing more than a link to someone else's blog? And if the linked blog is nothing more than a trackback to somebody else's link, then don't we just have an elaborate house of self-fellating cards waiting to topple at the first cold shower of facts? [WARNING: jumbled metaphors in use]

Sometimes it's just blatantly obvious that the blogger didn't fully read the linked item. Even the usually-thoughtful Andrew Sullivan pulled a boner with this entry:
CRUCIFIXION GAMEBOX: They're selling a "Passion of the Christ" video game? Does Jesus try to get away or something?
Slow down, people. Check out the entire site, and you'll see that everything posted there is obviously in jest. And it's pretty funny too, especially the article about the White House's emergency plans in case of Rapture.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

blogging is dumb, take 1

I'm a recent convert to blogging, but it doesn't take long to figure this game out. It's the same game played out in chat rooms, listserves, and email threads, with a fundamental characteristic that probably dates back to the first smoke signals – any open forum is guaranteed to suffer from a low signal-to-noise ratio.

Sure, there's an upside in that blogging gives loads of smart people a forum to disseminate stories, offer opinions, and generally move public discourse forward. More blogging = less sheep (he equated, ungrammatically). I believe I am more educated and better informed across a variety of topics thanks to the blogosphere. [INSERT advertisement with smiling white suburbanite family saying "THANKS BLOGOSPHERE!!!"]

But man, the downside is an avalanche of opinionated effluence. A prime example comes from the fallout over Kevin Sites, the embedded reporter who filmed a Marine murdering a wounded Iraqi captive in Falluja. The footage is brutal, the circumstances are complicated, and the subject is explosive. This is exactly the type of issue that requires examination beyond the specific events or individuals involved, because it speaks to much larger issues of our involvement in Iraq, the values that we're fighting for, and America's credibility throughout the world.

I'm sure there are many thoughtful blogs about this subject, but their signals are all but drowned out by the noise. Some of the more depressing heaps of jingoistic bullshit have piled up here and here. I understand that war is hell, and I respect that many people (especially veterans) would be upset to have a Marine singled out for accusation while enemy factions booby-trap bodies and behead the likes of Margaret Hassan. But very little of the online discussion contributes to any understanding of this event. Most of what I see coming out of the blogosphere is nothing more than an endless stream of simple-minded recriminations, hateful bigotry, and ignorance masquerading as patriotism.

Maybe it's better to have the loonies on display rather than allow them to fester in backrooms and secret societies. Groups like the KKK were much more menacing and influential when they were secretive, but became outright silly once they tried to formulate their retrograde Nazi ideology for a broader audience. Thanks to blogging, it's easier than ever to see the stupidity on parade, front and center. But even though it may wither under the harsh light of day, I can't say I enjoy seeing the shadowy hatred lurking inside my friendly neighborhood reactionaries. In the case of the Falluja video, opinions are certainly like assholes, and I'm beginning to wish the blogosphere would start wearing underwear.

fire by wire

Once upon a time, there was email. Then came hyperlinked web pages, followed by e-commerce. Now, virtual shooting has finally made it to the Internet, courtesy of the folks at Live-Shot.com. Just in time for Christmas, too!

Don't confuse this with a Cabela's video game, as there are no pixellated bullets or 32-bit targets. Nope, all the people of the world (at least those with Internet access and a credit card) can now share the joy and satisfaction of firing real ammo at real targets, guided by an on-site video camera. And for just a bit more cash ("$9.95 plus shipping and handling!"), you can preserve the magic of your long-distance marksmanship with a DVD recording. The whole family will certainly want to crowd around the big-screen for that.

I thought these kind of wacky ventures – where anything and everything in the world simply HAD to have online counterpart – got swept away with the Internet bubble. Hmmmm ... maybe the economy really is coming back after all.

But the truly inspired bit about Live-Shot's little techno-range is that soon you'll be able to KILL with it too. The man behind the mayhem, John Underwood, describes his epiphany in a CNet article:

The idea came last year while viewing another Web site on which cameras posted in the wild are used to snap photos of animals. "We were looking at a beautiful white-tail buck and my friend said, 'If you just had a gun for that.' A little lightbulb went off in my head," Underwood said.
CNet didn't report how many watts powered that particular flash. Underwood's rationale is that handicapped hunters and those unable to afford a trip to West Texas can benefit from his system. As nice as it is to see the hunting crowd (and, by proxy, the NRA) take an abiding interest in social equity, I suspect this is simply yet another profit motive that further cheapens an already questionable industry.

I grew up around bird hunting, so my perceptions of the sport primarily involve long walks in the country, bird dogs, and shotguns. Very pastoral, other than the shotguns, and also very active. I've never really understood the passive approach to hunting, particularly the fascination with camping out in a man-made deer blind, waiting to blow the brains out of some farm-raised buck using a semi-automatic man-cannon. How can any self-respecting hunter think this qualifies? Let's consult the Oxford American Dictionary:
hunt v. 1. to pursue (wild animals) for food or
sport.
There's no pursuit, just a lot of flat-ass waiting around. And any animal shot within the confines of a fence is not too terribly wild. Now with the Live-Shot approach, the "hunter" doesn't even have to schlep out to the blind, let alone truck themselves out to Edwards County. Press a button, and get a trophy buck, pig, or antelope shipped to your door. Because that's where the money is, and that's what this is all about. Underwood has opened up a whole new revenue stream from anyone who ever wanted to put an exotic animal above the mantle without the muss and fuss of actually working for it. All it's gonna cost you is money (assuming your dignity probably already went by the wayside long before stooping to online hunting).

Maybe Texas Parks & Wildlife will address this issue by requiring all hunting be done in person. Then again, maybe they won't. This is Texas after all, and common sense often has a hard time passing muster. Either way, I don't really mind much one way or the other. Just please, don't call it hunting. I propose "candy-ass pop-squatting" as a reasonable alternative.

And while I think Live-Shot is pretty sad, if not completely violating the spirit of hunting, it's still better than some alternatives. Given the rate at which Hill Country ranch land is disappearing, the Internet and all its stupidity may be necessary to keep the developer's plow at bay. If the choice ever comes down between online hunting or yet another development of pseudo-rugged Hill Country gentrified subdivisions, then gentlemen, by all means ... click and load!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

sugary ray

There were several moments during Sunday's viewing of Ray when the cinematic façade disappeared, and I was quite simply watching Ray Charles. Even after reading all the Oscar hype, I was surprised that Jamie Foxx captured the essence of the man’s highly stylized mannerisms and voice without resorting to mimicry and exaggeration. Ray is an entertaining movie, thanks largely to Jamie Foxx’s performance and Ray Charles’ triumphs, but both were worthy of a much better film.

Taylor Hackford, the writer and director of Ray, only seems capable of drawing characters with capital letters. In Against All Odds, James Woods’ villain is BAD. Russell Crowe is BRAVE in Proof of Life. With his latest effort, Hackford tries to demonstrate that Ray is TALENTED, but TROUBLED. The resulting movie-of-the-week character arc, replete with ham-fisted tragedy and pop psychology motivations, fails to put any meaningful context around Ray Charles or his awe-inspiring music.

The biggest flaw with the movie is that Hackford never convincingly develops Ray as a person. And it’s not as if there is any shortage of opportunities; Ray is continually bounding between gigs, women, and record companies on his road from the poorest of sharecropper beginnings to the pinnacle of LA indulgence. Throw drug addiction, racism, and disability into the mix, and you have a screenwriter’s wet dream of adversity-laden Horatio Alger bootstrap-pulling just waiting to be told. Unfortunately, the film lacks either the insight or the guts to allow any personal growth (beyond getting laid) to take place on camera.

Instead, we’re forced to settle for more all-caps character development. RAY SEES HIS BROTHER DIE … RAY GOES BLIND … RAY PLAYS BEAUTIFUL MUSIC ... RAY SHOOTS UP. These events are used as building blocks rather than a tapestry as the film bounces back and forth between the confused child and the affable adult prodigy. Hackford clumsily follows every tragic flashback with pained retrospection so no one can be in doubt as to their importance, but provides no tangible continuity with Ray's behavior. We’re quickly whisked along to another hit single or Important Moment until the next contrived emotional outburst requires a ready-mix dose of angst. Whatever ghosts truly haunted Ray Charles, their meager cinematic counterparts fail to create any palpable relationship between the pain in Ray's life, his music, or his addiction.

And anyone who's seen Trainspotting will find Ray's addiction and detox painfully superficial. The tragic brilliance of Danny Boyle’s film is that it understands the paradox of addiction; unquenchable joy and euphoria lead to destruction, while redemption is uncertain except for the terror and pain it extracts. Since Ray’s life follows a uniformly upward trajectory while his addiction deepens, the story requires a strong personal component to convey the unbearable need for heroin. But in Hackford’s sugar-coated version of addiction, Ray’s syringe minds its manners like Laura Bush and only speaks up when asked, making a few special guest appearances during marital squabbles, arrests and re-hab. One minute Ray is wallowing in a heroin addled-high, the next he's making R&B hits! It reduces Ray's illness to a contrivance rather than an ongoing battle, and facilitates a feelgood ending rather than a triumph.

Perhaps these criticisms are rooted in the man himself. Anyone who overcomes Ray’s litany of setbacks to reach the stratosphere of success with a smile on his face must be very good at suppressing demons. Or is that person merely a shallow savant, unconcerned with addiction, infidelity, or mortality? Hackford’s mis-handling of the emotional element left me with more questions than answers, and Ray would have been a better movie if it had explained his music rather than fumble with his mistakes.

After all, music is the heart of both the movie and its subject. Each individual performance is gripping simply because the music is brilliant, and Hackford is at his best capturing these dynamics. Between Ray and Hail! Hail! Rock ‘n Roll, he clearly knows how to capture the energy and spontaneity of live musical performances. But strung together, Ray's diverse portfolio and chameleon transitions through Gospel, R&B, Pop, and Country come across as the capricious diversions of a mad musical genius. On more than one occasion, Ray tells shocked onlookers that his bold new musical direction is a natural part of him. Those revelations fall flat, because the film has wasted so many frames on Ray’s TROUBLES that it neglects to show any of Ray’s musical development, save for an early piano lesson.

The tragedy of this movie is that it fails to make me care about Ray Charles the same way The Commitments made me care about a pack of no-name Irish wannabes. Hackford tells me that Ray loves music, but Alan Parker showed the power of R&B to turn hopelessness into happiness. Given the depths of Ray’s beginnings and the heights of his success, it is nearly inexplicable that this movie didn’t address the role of music in his personal salvation.

Ultimately, Ray is reminiscent of Ali as a gorgeous film with excellent performances undercut by a heavy-handed script. The greatest failing of both biopics is that they peer behind the veil of greatness without understanding their subjects well enough to know what to expose. The result is an interesting, if disappointing, retelling of an iconic story rather than an exploration of what made these men, warts and all, inspiring examples of the American Dream.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

testing

So, maybe this blogging thing is gonna take off after all. I'm not sure how this is going to work, exactly, but blogging has got to be easier than my fully-manual anal-retentive approach to website maintenance (or lack thereof). Watch this space.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004